I Lost Myself
I have lost so much due to COVID-19, and nothing will bring it back the time we have all lost and the loved ones. It has been a strain on life especially for kids, for me, it has been a full year of not being in school. Even though there is much sorrow and loss, it doesn’t mean it was all bad. My connection with my true friends made our bond so much stronger. Not only, but I got to learn more about me.
Over COVID-19 my grades have slipped into a deep depression. I have learned that it’s either mental health or school work no in between, and of course I pick school work. I haven’t done so well in school and I learned it’s easier for me to get my work done without a zoom coach. Though, as much as I want it to be, this is not an option at my school and my grades have slipped. With-out school work my family dynamic doesn’t work, my family is strict about grades, so I lost a lot of connection with them. Losing my grades meant losing my family so that meant even when I was having the worst week of my life, I had to turn at least 45 assignments a week from all classes. No matter how hard I try I cannot seem to get my grades up, and I’m dragging people away from me because of it. I will study, prepare, re-do, correct, then again and again, the truth of the matter is I can’t do it. I wish from every bone in my aching body that I could, but I can’t. When I was in school, and we had the option to go without a zoom, my grades were all A’s, and oftentimes people would ask me where that side of me went? Well I’m wondering that too. I can’t seem to do anything without disappointing someone, even though they have no clue what’s going on in my life. They think they know everything, but the truth is the only person who truly does is best friends. I don’t share with people what’s going on because then they don’t care. I don’t want them to look at me differently for who I am, how my parents fight, or anything. Not only that, but I want them to see me as the successful sixth grader that I used to be, but we don’t always get what we want now do we?
So what have I gained in the period of COVID-19? I have learned that no matter what you can’t break down. That you need to be apart from people that drag you further down such as many people in my life do. So at one point I had to ask myself how do you cut off family members that tear you down? You don’t, you just deal. I have gained the power of knowledge as a woman such as, I have learned self-defense, I have learned what it means to be a woman and how I need to protect myself as being part of the 97%. I learned I carry a knife with me wherever I go just to be safe. Furthermore, I have learned that people will take men’s side on almost everything even if you were right. I have learned that I am scared to go outside without a friend even in the middle of the day. But on the bright side I have gained my best friend who will protect me with her kitty claw knife, and kung fu. She will do anything to make anybody happy, and she has made me want to not just run away from my problems but solve them, she will never be replaced because she helped me out of all my toxic friendships. I have started standing up for my friends and even just people on the street I will teach a lesson about to not be homophobic or racist or a sexual assaulter.
To sum up everything that I have stated, I have learned what it means to be a woman, how to protect myself. I learned that I can stand up for what is right, and not stand for what’s wrong. I have cut off all the toxic people in my life, and I feel good about it. And most of all I have gained my best friend and bad grades.